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Dating Double Standards: First Edition

It's all about the second date

I originally planned to do this all in one post but quickly realized that between the stories and my long windedness there’s no way I can fit this into one post, so I’ll just have to do a little series (yippie!!!)!

So I’ve been at the online dating thing for a little over 2 months – my 3 month membership ends in March and I’m not planning to “reup” at this point (more on that at a later date), and I can’t help but be continually overwhelmed by the gross double standards in dating. And I’m not just talking about how guys are free to whore it up but when a girl does the same she’s, well, a whore. Not that I think we’re past that double standard but it’s tired, over done and frankly passé.

1. A guy is persistent, while a girl is needy

Hopefully you see where I’m going with this. Guys get a pass when it comes to communication; he can email, text message and call daily or multiple times a day and it’s often found to be endearing (such is not the case with me however) while a girl acting in the same manner is needy, clingy or, in the worst case, a Stage 5 Clinger (thank you "Wedding Crashers"). I personally haven’t found the text-aholic trait all that endearing – though as someone pointed out, it may be because the people that are over communicators haven’t been people I’m interested in.

Case Study #1:

I went on a date with a gentlemen on a Thursday night. The date was fair – not overly exciting but not bad either. I wasn’t enthralled but I decided a second date wasn’t totally out of the realm of possibilities. I probably should have stopped things after the first date because after ending the date he called to make sure I had a good time (seemingly sweet) and then sent a text message asking that I not curse his name in the morning since he kept me out so late (again, seemingly sweet and cute). But hindsight is 20/20...

I’m the kind of girl that will shoot a quick text the day after a date to thank the guy again and let them know I enjoyed myself… I usually wait until lunchtime. I realize that this may sound like a game, but make no mistake, it’s just a well thought out and tested plan/process. This guy couldn’t resist texting me the next day before 9:30am… slight overkill, but again I chalked it up to him enjoying himself and wanting to get date #2 on the calendar. So, date #2 was scheduled for Saturday evening.

 

One would think what more is there to talk about at this point?! In my opinion, there’s no reason to continue the textual banter after date #2 is set. First and foremost, I don’t know you all that well so I don’t really have a lot to convey to you throughout the day. Second of all, isn’t the point of dating is to get to know someone in person, face to face?! I like to save some topics of conversation for when we actually meet. That being said I figured we’d confirm plans on Saturday for our date and that would be that, but Texting Timmy had other plans. He texted me throughout Friday evening – even after telling me he was going to dinner with his family and I told him to enjoy and I'd talk to him later. It continued all night and then he called me after dinner - what is there to talk about?! Maybe it’s just me, but that was a little much… that should have been the last red flag but because we already made quasi plans I felt the need to keep them – damn you manners!

So, I went on our date – begrudgingly at that. Our date was fine, again no fireworks, so after dinner I told him I was exhausted and we called it a night (he said I did seem tired –thanks, Dick. Every girl knows that the nice way to tell someone they look like crap). So no sooner than I got in my car and on the phone to tell my girlfriend about the date did he call me! "Just making sure I had a good time" - though he had already asked me that at dinner (dissection of this coming at a later point). I told him I did and thanked him again and told him to have a good night. One would think that would suffice, but no! He then texted me to see if I had a good enough time to go out again. In an effort to preserve my right to say HELL NO!, and maybe as a way of letting him think I was flirting, I told him the jury was out. I confess the response was likely a little bit of a game... don't hate the player!

 

Again, one would think that this was a sufficient communication and things would settle for the time being after this but no. They didn’t. Texts kept coming throughout the night – no, I didn’t go home, I went to meet up with some friends for a drink after… I had to make sure my night ended on a high note. Eventually I just stopped responding to him (duh, I was sleeping!). I figured I was just going to let this one fly and fizzle on its own, but this guy was beyond persistent. The next day he called me twice within a few hours of each other but never left a message. I was out with friends and didn't have the time (or desire) to speak to him.

Eventually, I had to try to let him down easy after he asked me when he could take me out again -via text of course, since it’s his favorite means of communication.

Now, I ask you, had a girl done all of those things to a guy he would have hit the ground running way sooner than I did and labeled her: crazyneedy, obsessed, [insert other adjective here]. I do take some responsibility in letting it carry on for so long, but let’s be serious here. No guy, at least none that I know, would stick around if a girl was behaving this way – and I’m more than certain that this guy would have been one of the first to label the girl co-co for Cocoa Puffs. So why is it that they think it’s ok for them to behave this way?!

I also realize that while the obsessive texter is not my "type" he may be someone else's... good luck to them. If you want Timmy's number, let me know!

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

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